An Idea Before Its Time?

I am happy to post what I consider a work in progress (I believe there is always room for improvement in things we do) that I hope will help others. I have come up with a method that helped me remain sober and find greater happiness in my life. I call it Creating Our Path (COP). You can click on the tab above or here to see how the idea was formed.

I wrote about this in my book, and for those who read it, let me add that although I tried to be something I wasn’t throughout my drinking days, and even in my early sobriety, I am not doing that now. I am actually worried that maybe I’m asking too much of myself—I feel fearful at times about trying to start these meetings/discussion groups.

I  may not know what my future holds in this endeavor. But I know that besides believing in myself, trying to believe that something created life and the universe for a reason will also be a part of it.

Currently my faith isn’t as strong as it’s been in the past. In truth, being happy with who I am has been sustaining me while toiling away at a job that I like, but that I’m not fulfilled in. I’m actually thinking about moving back to my home town next year to find people who can help me get this started, that’s how serious I am about it.

Of course, thinking about doing this adds to my fear. But when you write a book called Facing Our Fears, well, I think you get the point.

Here are the Five Basic Concepts of Creating Our Path.

1. We are capable of creating our happiness through the Six Selves

Self-Awareness– Understanding the emotions behind our thoughts and behaviors. Knowing our strengths and where we need to grow.

Self-Improvement– Changing negative thoughts and behaviors to positive ones. Obtain knowledge in a variety of things, search for answers, be open-minded to others values and beliefs. Practice love, kindness, understanding, and tolerance toward others.

Self-Confidence/Self-Esteem– What do we like or love about ourselves?
Practice love, kindness, understanding, and tolerance toward ourselves.

Self-Love– the instinct or desire to promote one’s own well-being; regard for or love of one’s self.

Self-Actualization– the realization or fulfillment of ones talents and potentialities; considered as a drive or need.

2. We are capable of changing ourselves for the better
We understand the power of changing any negative thoughts and beliefs we hold about ourselves and others.

3. We are capable of changing our lives for the better
We understand how important behaving and living differently is to our sobriety and happiness.

4. We are capable of loving ourselves and others
We become more receptive and excepting of love.
We are able to forgive ourselves and others more quickly.

5. We are capable of being happy with who we are
We realize how being happy with ourselves sustains us in times of uncertainty and unwanted circumstances.
We are able to laugh at ourselves and embrace all that we are.

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A Stronger Person Than We Were Before

“Fear can be our friend, or it can be our enemy. It just depends on how we handle it. Self-talk is my go to method to help me feel better when I’m fearful, and I often find comfort in talking with others about how I’m feeling. However, hope and belief is an important part of overcoming our fears.

We can experience worry and anxiety when we feel afraid, especially if we find it hard to turn hope into belief. But along with self-talk. Along with talking to others. Along with hope. I’ve found that with or without a God to explain it, prayer can bring about the desired result. I don’t always get what I pray for. But it has never let me down when it comes to eventually believing everything will be all right.

Call it belief or call it faith; it doesn’t matter much to me. All of the things I mentioned helps me believe in myself more. And all of these things helps me believe a little more that something created life and the universe for a reason.

Call this belief or call it Faith. It doesn’t matter much to me. I just know that prayer, people, hope, and self-talk has always helped me with my fears during difficult times and become a stronger person than I was before.”

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My Soul Feels Like Dancing

In December of 2010, I was poised to go off to college at the beginning of the new year, and had big plans for my future. In only the first semester, I was told that although an associate degree was a good start for a career as a drug and alcohol counselor, a bachelor’s degree would soon be necessary to get hired at most treatment facilities and to be able to do more in the field.  This news was somewhat disconcerting to me,  as I thought it would be easy to get a job after I graduated, but it bothered me even more for another reason. Apparently higher degree’s would be needed because they were “professionalizing the profession,” and it would no longer matter as much if someone like myself, a recovered alcoholic, already had years of experience helping people with addictions. I still worked hard in school though, and graduated with good grades. I also used the experience to grow and become more confident in myself. I  wrote a post about this you can read called A Quiet Confidence.

After graduation, I applied for a counselor position at various places and kept hoping to land a job somewhere, but as the months ticked away, with no prospect of securing a job in my chosen field, I took one in sales. Although I had a lot of previous sales experience, being a salesman was never a passion for me, but it was nice earning a paycheck, and I viewed my situation as temporary.

Almost a year has passed since I took the job, and although I lived my life over that time as I always did; trying to stay in the moment, be happy, and not worry about stuff. I still felt like life was passing me by and that I wasn’t doing enough in my effort to help others. I also knew I wasn’t always being who I really was, and this made it harder to be happy. I did, of course, continue to love myself and still do, but not fully being who I really am is beginning to make it harder to be happy with me.

This June will be four years since I made the video below, my second dance video. I’m a little older now, and a little grayer, but my soul is telling me it’s soon time to do another one. My soul is also telling me I need to get into better shape first, so hopefully with more exercise I’ll be ready by then. I believe it’s important to be able to laugh at ourselves, which is what this, and a few other funny video’s I made represent. And I believe it’s also important to make people laugh and smile when we can. I have plans to do that and more of what has been in my heart to do long before I went to college; help a greater number of people with drug and alcohol problems. Actually, I want to help anyone struggling with fears and insecurities by showing them that we never need to feel ashamed about ourselves or our life, and that we have the power to change ourselves and our life for the better if we choose to.

My soul has been talking to me for a long time now, and I think I not only need to listen to it more, but to also start doing more. Part of this includes being who I was back when I made this video, but it will also require leaving my job and stepping out on faith. I know for some, it’s hard to believe in souls and that there may be something more than just this world. I too have my doubts at times. However, if the last few years have shown me anything, even with those doubts and ones I can still have in myself, trying to believe in more than just this world and in ourselves, can sustain us in times of uncertainty and discouragement.

At fifty-four years old, I’m closer to retirement than a career, but because I believe in education I still plan on obtaining a bachelor’s degree some day. For now, however, I have to maintain hope that by facing my fears and stepping out on faith, I will achieve my goal of reaching more people. I already know that when I try to be more of who I really am, a person who is perhaps best described by what I write on this website, I at least help people by simply being me.

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Being Positive Even When We’re Not

My life has been quite a journey so far and things have turned out better in my sobriety than I ever thought they would. As a result, Living In The Moment and not worrying about the future is easier for me.

Of course there are times when I do worry, especially when there’s uncertainty involved. I find it’s easy to be positive in life when things are going good and I have no worries, but trying to remain positive when I have doubts about my future can be hard at times.

Despite the fact that doubt can still be a part of my journey, whenever I experience fears and uncertainty about my future today, I remind myself about my past. Although there were times when things looked hopeless and I wasn’t sure why I was going through something, an answer would always come. And no matter how afraid I felt at the time, I always grew stronger as a result.

I do something else that has never failed to help me get through some of the toughest times in my sobriety. I use the tools that I believe we all possess to help us stop worrying and start living in the moment again. I talk to someone about my fears and insecurities. Try to find hope in any situation. And I tell myself that everything will be all right. I also talk to whatever god there may be and ask for guidance and reassurance.

One other thing I do is read different books. Some are of the self-help variety, others are spiritual or new age, and a few are religious, and I find that this comforts me and encourages me to believe everything will be all right

It may be hard to remain positive when we have doubts about our future, but if we persistently do the things I talked about here, we can find strength to keep moving forward in our journeys. We will also find it easier to live in the moment. Not worry so much about the future. And as I’m starting to do. Believe our life can only get better along the way.

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A Quiet Confidence

Whether we’re aware of it or not, there are different levels of things we experience both in life and as a person. For instance. There are different levels of wealth or debt we occur. Different levels of happiness we experience. Different levels of love we feel for people. Different levels of faith one can have. And for the sake of this writing, there are different levels of confidence we can have in ourselves.

For some of us, it takes time and different experiences to grow more self-confident, and there are occasions when we need to talk to someone when we have doubts in our lives. Doing so can help us uncover any underlying fears and insecurities we may have and better understand why we have them.

I have a lot of confidence in myself these days, but it certainly doesn’t mean I’m more confident than some of you reading this, or that I’m completely free of insecurity. But I know that as long as I’m willing to learn from certain things I go through, and use what I learn to improve on myself, my confidence will continue to grow. One of  the more recent experiences that helped me reach a higher level of self-confidence was going to college.

I first dreamed of going back to school in 2003, and although I would get quite an education through helping people with addictions and counseling teenagers, I still always wanted to attend college someday. I believe education can add to our personal growth, and when circumstances came into play that would allow me to obtain an associate degree in drug and alcohol counseling, I was excited for the opportunity. I must admit, though, that while I thought I already knew a lot about counseling and addiction, I would learn many more things, and I would also learn more about myself.

I really enjoyed going to college. In some ways it reminded me of when I was in high school. Just like back then, I would often display a sense of humor in the classroom and have fun with some of the teachers.

Besides being the funny guy at times, I also participated in discussions we had in some of the classes. I liked sharing my thoughts on whatever the topic was, and I could be quite passionate about it at times. Most people didn’t seem to mind, and a few would say they liked what I shared, which made me feel good, but I could tell a few of them didn’t care about my views. I just wrote it off as thinking they just didn’t get me, but something would happen later that year to make me see there was more to my active participation than I realized.

In one of my classes during the last semester, just after one of my soap box exhibitions about something I don’t even remember now, someone joked about me going on for so long and a young lady, who was actually defending me, spoke up and said. “He just has a lot to say.” Everyone laughed, including me and the teacher, but it opened my eyes to the fact that I had been feeling a very strong need to share my views all the time. A lot of what I had to say came from the passion I felt about helping others, and participating in class seemed like the perfect outlet for it. But after that day, I made it a point to try to show more restraint in sharing my views and I often sat quietly while others shared theirs.

In my second year, although I continued to show restraint in most discussions, something began changing inside of me, and by the time the last semester got under way I knew there was more to my need to share than just passion. During that semester, I didn’t always agree with some of the things we talked about in class or with certain things I read in some of the books about addiction. Much of what we discussed from these books had to do with stereotypical alcoholics and addicts, and I felt the class needed to hear more about people like me who didn’t drink everyday, but still had a problem.

I was also proud of the knowledge I had obtained from working with people with addictions and it frustrated me when I felt some of my views weren’t being taken seriously. This wasn’t actually the case, as I knew some of the students liked and trusted what I had to say, but it’s how I allowed myself to feel at times. Fortunately, though, as the semester progressed I would realize what was actually making me feel the way I did.

I had begun having doubts earlier that year about some of my personal views on counseling and addiction and I let it affect my self-confidence. I also felt like my identity was slipping away and I no longer felt as good about myself as I once did. The good news, though, was that I fought these insecurities and I was determined to emerge with what I would later call a quiet confidence. One where I didn’t feel the need to have all the answers and could simply sit back and let others share their views.

Finally, as the semester was coming to an end, I began exhibiting this new-found confidence and it felt good knowing that once again self-awareness and my drive to grow had paid off. I left school with more knowledge than I had before and I was now able to show more confidence in my personal life as well.

A quiet confidence where I no longer feel the need to have all the answers, and I’m able to sit back and listen to what others have to say in life.

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Give Me Something To Believe In

It’s very hard to convince others to see things our way if they don’t want to. There’s hot and cold, up and down, and everything in between when it comes to life’s experiences and what people believe in. But it is this polarity and all the things in between that makes me see a design to life.

Believe what you want, but it seems like something is going on here, and I can’t help but to have hope it will all be explained to me after I die. If I’m wrong, well then it’s not going to matter.

However, I rather go through life with hope and some level of belief that something created life and the universe for a reason, than thinking life has no meaning at all. When I do this, the world doesn’t seem so harsh, and it’s easier for me to love and understand others whether they believe in something or not.

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