To my blog readers. I am doing well and I am ready to start blogging again. I’ll explain in a new blog soon. I can see when my blog traffic is down, and it is. But I hope to change that this year. Take care. Darryl S. Duke
As some of you know, I am very open about my life, but I have been hiding something that I need to share now.
For years I have lived with color blindness. Yes, color blindness. I know how shocking this is, especially since I never mentioned it in my book or on my blog. It has been hard living with this problem. I often have to get my wife’s help so my clothes match, or I lie about how pretty some colors are.
Now I’m not totally color blind. I have what is called Deuteranomaly. Five out of a hundred males have it. A deuteranomalous person is considered “green weak”. (Which can account for some of the shame and stigma attached to this horrible affliction). I am poor at discriminating small differences in hues in the red, orange, yellow, green region of the spectrum. And I make errors in the naming of hues in this region because they appear somewhat shifted towards red for me.
It has been hard living with this infliction, and even harder because of hiding it for so long, but I feel better now for finally being honest about this and sharing it.
I hope this will help others, who like me at one time, have lived with color blindness but were afraid to talk about it.
June 3rd will be forever bittersweet for me. My daughter was born on this date, which makes me happy. But my adolescent idol, Muhammad Ali, has passed away. He meant so much to so many that I know I am not alone in the deep sadness I feel. I also know I cannot claim to love Ali more than anyone else who is grieving over what feels like a sudden loss. All I can do is remember him for who he was and what he did for others, and certainly for the influence he made on me personally.
Seventy four is considered young today. But besides influencing many lives, Muhammad Ali also lived many lives. I’ll let history explain why I say that. All I want to add here is that I hope the Greatest has found what his religion promised him. It was his belief in Allah that helped him through tough times, and I’m sure also helped him to believe in himself when he needed to. He was a wonderful example of what self-love looks like, and he will be greatly missed. Ali! Ali! Ali!
I’m still working on my book, plus it still needs to be edited. I had hoped to have it done and published much sooner, but that’s OK. I couldn’t have added some of the things I did without the experiences I had over the past two years. They say good things take time, and although my book is already good, with a little more polishing, it promises to be a very good book. I’ll try to add a few new posts in the meantime, and I want to thank all my blog readers for being patient while I’m still polishing. 🙂
I was a skinny and very insecure teenager and, as a result, I needed to be someone I wasn’t. Someone great. I even started boxing at fifteen because of this and tried to act like Muhammad Ali. With dedication and a boxing style I copied from Ali. I was able to win an amateur Golden Gloves championship at 16 years old, but my insecurities stayed with me as I grew older.
Eventually, I found that a continual striving for personal and spiritual growth helped me become more self-confident, and a whole new world opened up to me. One where I would start to love myself and others, and help those in need.
Today, I still try to be like Muhammad Ali. But when I stop and think about who I’ve become—who I am. Although I’m not famous or have achieved all the great things he has, I can say I am like Ali in some ways.
I believe we shouldn’t dwell in negative emotions and I do a pretty good job of not doing so, however, there are emotions we’re supposed to feel when we lose a loved one, even a pet. It may seem strange to some that I included a pet, but I’m sure all the animal lovers out there don’t think so.
Having lost our dog this week, my wife and I have experienced a deep sadness that while not unexpected for her, came as a surprise to me. I loved the dog, and I always knew I would miss him when the time came for him to leave us. But he was more my wife’s buddy than mine, and I thought I would be fine. Well I’m not, and that’s the reason for this post and my poem.
You see if I’ve learned anything in my sobriety it’s that there is a difference in feeling the emotions we’re supposed to and dwelling in ones that serve no purpose. We need to process our sadness, and believe me, I’m still processing mine, but I’m aware that dwelling in deep sadness isn’t a good thing for anyone.
So with that said, here’s my poem. Besides crying and talking to someone about how I’m feeling, writing is another way I sometimes process sadness.
Our dog’s name is Jonesy. And he will be greatly missed.
We’re still crying over a loss
That was greater than we knew
It takes time to let go of a pet you love
And we’re not finished remembering you
We still call out your name
Even though you’re no longer here
We think about you everyday
And look at pictures we hold dear
We still go on the walks
That you always got excited for
We haven’t forgotten the treat afterwards
And how you always wanted more
We still look out on the deck
Where you enjoyed laying in the sun
We haven’t forgotten how you liked to play
And which toy was your favorite one
We haven’t forgotten the barking
And how you wondered what was in store
Every time you heard a knocking sound
Or someone actually at the door
We haven’t forgotten the noises you made
Little whines full of delight
Whenever you were outside with us
And another dog came into sight
We haven’t forgotten the car rides
And how much you liked going bye-byes
We simply miss everything about you
And have good reason to cry
We experienced a loss
That was greater than we knew
We will never let go of the love we feel
And will never stop remembering you
I know I haven’t made a serious video in a long time, but I’ve been busy enjoying my life, as you will see in this video. It isn’t the extreme type we see that goes viral. And to some it may not be all that funny. But I had fun making it with my wife’s help, and making fun of myself. As I’ve written before, being able to laugh at ourselves is an important asset to have in our sobriety.