Finding Strength Within And Without

There were times early in my sobriety when it felt like I was barely holding onto my sanity and I wasn’t sure what to do. I was never very good at facing emotional pain or figuring out why I had it. But thankfully I did hold on.

I needed help from others with these struggles. And it was hard for me to believe in more than just this world on some days. But the result was worth the effort.

I learned that part of becoming a stronger person is to never be afraid to ask for help. And I eventually saw that it was better to try to believe in something than it was to believe in nothing. I also found an inner strength that I didn’t know I had, and peace of mind that I didn’t think possible.

Today I know everything’s going to be all right, even when it’s not. Because I know that I can be all right even when I’m not.

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Love Can Be Both Easy And Hard

It wells up inside of you. An emotional pain that’s hard to describe but easy to feel when someone you tried to help is suddenly gone. Especially when it was a special person who was easy to love.

You go from feeling shocked and sad to just feeling deep sadness. The question changes from “Why?” To. “Could I have done more to help?” You cry. You get angry. You talk to someone about how you’re feeling—then you cry some more. But nothing takes the deep sadness away.

You know nothing can change what happened. More questions arise. You ask yourself. “What could I have done differently?” “What could I have said differently?” More feelings of anger emerge. And then you just feel numb.

You look at pictures of this wonderful person. You read how so many other people are feeling, and then it wells up inside of you.

An emotional pain that’s hard to describe but easy to feel.

Not because you tried to help this person. But because like so many others, you’re simply mourning the loss of a special person who was easy love.

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Emotional Pain Reduction

“It’s been said that we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be hurt by others. But it’s often hard not to be, especially when someone we love does something to cause us emotional pain. I’ve been hurt in the past by people I love because I am sensitive and caring, but I’ve also grown stronger from these experiences. Although, in truth, I can still be hurt by others at times—I don’t stay hurt. I’ve simply learned to love myself enough to know I don’t deserve to be treated badly by people who act in ways that show they have yet to learn to love themselves.”

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Twas The Day After Christmas

In December of 2012, just one day after Christmas, my wife and I experienced an injustice that was quite hurtful and filled us with anger and resentment we sometimes still feel today. Actually, my wife was much more hurt by what happened than I was, because it involved two of her close family members. People she loves a lot. And people she never thought capable of causing such emotional pain.

I finally decided it was time to share this private experience with my readers. After all, writing openly about my life and how I use certain experiences to improve on myself is what I do, and if anything, this awful situation shows I have improved as a person. The same goes for my wife.

I won’t mentioned who the family members are, that’s never been my style, but I want to. I also want to lash out at one of them in particular, because it was them that caused most of the emotional pain we felt. However, I know it would not serve who I am today, nor would it fix anything. I also won’t go into depth about the incident. You would have had to have been there to fully understand how horrible this experience was and why I consider it a complete and utter betrayal of family values and friendship. All I will say is that this person’s actions did more than just hurt us. It separated people who were close to one another and inspired me to write this post.

You may already know how being wronged by someone, especially someone you love, can cut deep. And you may already know how hard it can be to move past the hurt and pain you experience. We can talk to someone about how we’re feeling and read things about forgiveness, but we soon find that “to forgive and forget” can be quite hard, especially if no apology is in the offing. Of course, you can’t expect someone to apologize if they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong, or in this case, won’t admit it. And when the person is still a part of other people’s lives that you love, the anger, resentment, and emotional pain continues to resurface. There is simply no closure, and no easy answer to our dilemma.

We should continue talking with someone who understands our situation though, and if religious or spiritual, praying doesn’t hurt. Both things have helped me and my wife over the last two years. The strong emotions we felt for many months afterwards slowly subsided and we eventually stopped thinking about the incident so much. However, the word injustice is still fresh in our minds, even when we consider the source of it.

One of them self-admittedly had a drinking problem when the incident occurred, and from what I understand still does. And their spouse could certainly be called a text-book enabler. But when my wife and I think about what we went through that morning just one day after Christmas—a time for family celebration and to show love for one another. We currently see no reason to forgive them, no matter what their emotional troubles may be.

We know we’re loving and caring people who most certainly did not deserve the unjust act we experienced, or the emotional wounds received unknowingly at the time.

Wounds that for me and my wife have healed somewhat. But may never fully heal for her.

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I’ve Just Come To Realize Something

When we give our love and friendship to someone and receive little of the same in return, we can wonder if we’re doing something wrong or start believing they just don’t care that much about us. Either way, the lack of receiving something more has the power to hurt us and often does.

We can talk to them about it and hope the relationship improves, but sometimes it’s simply a case of expecting more out of someone than they’re capable of. It’s this reality that should prompt us to reevaluate the relationship and decide if an unequal friendship is worth having.

I know it can be hard to distance ourselves from people we love and I’m not suggesting we should give up easily on our relationships with them. But there needs to come a time when we realize we’re hurting ourselves more than they are, and love ourselves enough to end any emotional pain we feel.

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