As my life goes on I believe
Somehow something’s changed
Something deep inside
Ooh a part of me
There’s a strange new light in my eyes
Things I’ve never known
Changing my life
Changing me
I’ve been searchin’
So long
To find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning, oh
That’s how the beginning of an old Chicago song goes and although it took some time for me to feel like I had meaning in my life, I can honestly say that something immediately began to change in me over twenty-five years ago when I decided to get sober. And, perhaps, with a strange new light in my eyes, things I never knew helped to change my life and myself.
I used the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and other AA-related literature to remain sober and become happier in life, and in 2003, after seven years of growth-related experiences, some good and some not so good, I would finally love myself. But my search for an answer would begin the following year, outside the rooms of AA.
Actually, it was a search for two answers. “Is there a God and why are we here?” That led to more growth, both spiritually and as a person, and although I didn’t necessarily find the answers to those questions, the search did lead to me finally being happy with who I was and eventually find meaning in life.
Now I see myself as I am
Feeling very free
Life is everything
Ooh it’s meant to be
When my days have come to an end
I will understand
What I left behind
Part of me
This is from the middle of the song, and at sixty-one years old, I am closer to the end of my life than the beginning and it is this realization that helps me try to make each day the best I can. I also believe in myself and strive to be the person I say am. The loving and caring person I slowly became over my many years of living sober.
Today I work in the field of behavioral health helping people with mental health and substance use disorders, and I love it most days. I am fulfilled and I feel like I have a purpose. However, my growth continues and I still sometimes search for answers in life, just not the reason for it.
I’ve been searching
So long
To find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning, whoa
Searching For an answer To the question, Oh yeah, “Who am I?”
Maybe It’s only natural
Good things In life Take a long time
This is the ending of the song and I will add that it’s been the foundation of humility and gratefulness that has helped me the most throughout my adventure of finding and living a better way of life. It may have taken a while for me to get there, but not all good things in life need to take a long time. It simply depends on how long we wait to accept the help and love we need to become emotionally well and how much effort we put into it.
Fortunately, I’ve learned that life isn’t only about the beginning and the end, but the in-between. A sometimes frightening part of our lives full of experiences, both good and not so good that can help us to grow, to believe in ourselves, and to love ourselves enough to become happy with who we are.