My Soul Feels Like Dancing

In December of 2010, I was poised to go off to college at the beginning of the new year, and had big plans for my future. In only the first semester, I was told that although an associate degree was a good start for a career as a drug and alcohol counselor, a bachelor’s degree would soon be necessary to get hired at most treatment facilities and to be able to do more in the field.  This news was somewhat disconcerting to me,  as I thought it would be easy to get a job after I graduated, but it bothered me even more for another reason. Apparently higher degree’s would be needed because they were “professionalizing the profession,” and it would no longer matter as much if someone like myself, a recovered alcoholic, already had years of experience helping people with addictions. I still worked hard in school though, and graduated with good grades. I also used the experience to grow and become more confident in myself. I  wrote a post about this you can read called A Quiet Confidence.

After graduation, I applied for a counselor position at various places and kept hoping to land a job somewhere, but as the months ticked away, with no prospect of securing a job in my chosen field, I took one in sales. Although I had a lot of previous sales experience, being a salesman was never a passion for me, but it was nice earning a paycheck, and I viewed my situation as temporary.

Almost a year has passed since I took the job, and although I lived my life over that time as I always did; trying to stay in the moment, be happy, and not worry about stuff. I still felt like life was passing me by and that I wasn’t doing enough in my effort to help others. I also knew I wasn’t always being who I really was, and this made it harder to be happy. I did, of course, continue to love myself and still do, but not fully being who I really am is beginning to make it harder to be happy with me.

This June will be four years since I made the video below, my second dance video. I’m a little older now, and a little grayer, but my soul is telling me it’s soon time to do another one. My soul is also telling me I need to get into better shape first, so hopefully with more exercise I’ll be ready by then. I believe it’s important to be able to laugh at ourselves, which is what this, and a few other funny video’s I made represent. And I believe it’s also important to make people laugh and smile when we can. I have plans to do that and more of what has been in my heart to do long before I went to college; help a greater number of people with drug and alcohol problems. Actually, I want to help anyone struggling with fears and insecurities by showing them that we never need to feel ashamed about ourselves or our life, and that we have the power to change ourselves and our life for the better if we choose to.

My soul has been talking to me for a long time now, and I think I not only need to listen to it more, but to also start doing more. Part of this includes being who I was back when I made this video, but it will also require leaving my job and stepping out on faith. I know for some, it’s hard to believe in souls and that there may be something more than just this world. I too have my doubts at times. However, if the last few years have shown me anything, even with those doubts and ones I can still have in myself, trying to believe in more than just this world and in ourselves, can sustain us in times of uncertainty and discouragement.

At fifty-four years old, I’m closer to retirement than a career, but because I believe in education I still plan on obtaining a bachelor’s degree some day. For now, however, I have to maintain hope that by facing my fears and stepping out on faith, I will achieve my goal of reaching more people. I already know that when I try to be more of who I really am, a person who is perhaps best described by what I write on this website, I at least help people by simply being me.

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